


lights will guide you home

by ayel



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, Exes to Lovers, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Hinata Shoyo & Tsukishima Kei Friendship, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Oral Sex, Post-Time Skip, Rimming, Sexual Tension, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Wall Sex, anniversary fic, baby crows, it's not as angsty as it seems i swear, lol the progression of the tags, they're still in love your honor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:02:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29276640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayel/pseuds/ayel
Summary: kuroo and tsukishima broke up before they could go on the out-of-the-country trip they planned over a year ago; so why were they both on board the same plane on the same day of the same trip?
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 9
Kudos: 176





	lights will guide you home

**Author's Note:**

> this prompt was originally zee's (@hqcarat) after she saw this [amazing krtsk fanart](https://twitter.com/littleskrib/status/1154424160409530368). i wanted to post this for krtsk day, but it took me longer than i expected to finish it, so posting it for valentine's instead!
> 
> i've never been to tromso, nor have i seen the northern lights myself, but a big part of this fic was dedicated to research. i hope i was able to make the experience as close to the real thing as possible.
> 
> huge thanks to car (@nctlifeinosaka) for the wonderful feedback and support <3

Kei took a deep breath. The cold air that filled his lungs was heavy, but it didn’t come close to the weight in his chest that he refused to acknowledge. It took him about a month debating to himself on whether he should go through with this or not. He saved and spent a fortune on this trip, had planned it down to the dot… Well, _they_ did, but whatever. He had wanted to see the northern lights ever since he learned about it as a child, and now that he had the opportunity, he was not about to throw it out the window. He deserved this trip. Never mind the reason as to why it even existed in the first place. 

Besides, after making Hinata call the JVA office to confirm that a certain assistant director of the Sports Promotion Division _would_ be coming in to work on the week of January 11th, Kei practically had no reason not to go. 

He glanced at his watch. _2:32 am_. He had about half an hour before they’d be called to board the plane. He stood up, picked up his carry-ons, then made his way to the restroom.

Something made him stop in his tracks when, right out of the corner of his eye, a (bed)head full of all too familiar black hair whizzed past the crowd across the men’s room. Kei’s head snapped to his left to follow it, but it was gone. 

He took a deep breath as he tried to calm his suddenly erratic heartbeat. He knew he was bound to think about his ex-boyfriend because this was supposed to be their trip, but he hadn’t even stepped on the plane yet and all his mind kept echoing back to him was “what if he was here?”

He washed his hands with unreasonable force as if that would wash away thoughts of sharp hazel eyes, warm calloused hands, strong tan arms, and— fuck. That did not help at all.

The announcement to board his flight came right as he emerged from the restroom. When he reached their gate, most of the people had already lined up and some were already let through. There’s no need to rush, though, since he paid for a pre-selected seat. 

Kei was texting his mom to update her about his flight like she asked when he got a notification from the Baby Crows group chat. 

>> (2:41) **Cap’n Crow:** _Have fun, Tsukki! You’re gonna want to kill us now… or maybe in a few minutes? Have you boarded yet? Anyway, hopefully you’ll have changed your mind by the time you get home next week. Take care!_

“What the hell..?” Kei stared at the ominous message. He asked Yamaguchi to watch his apartment while he was away, so did Yamaguchi break something already? Gods, he could feel a migraine already forming above his left eye.

Before he could dwell on his best friend’s text and ask what he meant, the attendant asked for his boarding pass and ID. Pocketing his phone, he handed them to her, and after she cleared him, he held the strap of his backpack with one hand to support it and used the other to drag his smaller luggage through the jetway. 

Many of the passengers were still settling in their seats. Some were struggling to get their bags into the compartment, and he had to help a young girl push hers in. When he found his section, he realized that someone had already taken the window seat— if the black satchel on it were any indication. The guy probably thought this was free seating, but Kei insisted on the pre-selected seats specifically so he could take the window seat. He was prepared to argue for it.

“Kei?” Or maybe not. Blood drained from Kei’s body as his hands went cold. He whipped his head behind him so fast he thought he’d get whiplash. It turned out he wasn’t just imagining things because Kuroo — his _ex-boyfriend_ Kuroo Tetsurou — was actually standing in front of him. “Sorry,” he cleared his throat. “Tsukishima.”

“What are you doing here?”

Kuroo looked just as confused as him, which should have been hilarious because _they_ essentially both booked this flight together— except it wasn’t. He made sure that Kuroo wouldn’t be getting on this plane, and by the looks of it, Kuroo did too. So why the hell were they both here?

A corner of Kuroo’s mouth turned upwards as he chuckled awkwardly, reaching to scratch the back of his neck like he always did when he was nervous. “Funny, I could ask you the same thing.” Kuroo seemed to have caught the eyes of one of the attendants because then he was promptly ushering Kei to their seats. “We should get out of the way— oh. The window seat, right. Let me just get this.” Kuroo leaned and extended his arm to reach for the bag, then gestured for Kei to take his previously occupied seat. Still confused and a bit too anxious to cause inconvenience for anybody, Kei lifted his suitcase into the compartment then settled down. He had to remind himself to breathe and blink normally when Kuroo sat beside him. The plane was pretty big with two-seaters on the sides and three-seaters in the middle, but he could see that it was fully booked. He wouldn’t be able to transfer if he wanted to.

“They said you’d be working this week,” Kei blurted out before he could stop himself.

Kuroo busied himself with clasping his seatbelt on as he answered, “They? You called my office?”

“I—no, Hinata did. He had something to ask you, and I, uh…”

Kuroo smiled. “It’s okay. I, uh, I asked Kenma to ask Chibi-chan if you had any plans for this week, too.”

“Let me guess, Kenma said I didn’t.”

“Kenma said you didn’t,” he nodded.

Kei groaned. So this is what that weird message from Yamaguchi meant. “I’m gonna kill them, those idiots. Hinata can kiss the Olympics goodbye because I’m gonna break his shrimpy legs before they can even begin the torch relay.”

Kuroo playfully clutched his chest with his fist. “Ouch. You want to get away from me that bad that you’d risk Japan’s chance at winning gold?”

Kei threw him a glare in return. “How are you okay with this? You realize they set us up, right?”

“That’s clear as day, Tsukki, but,” Kuroo scanned the plane, then looked out the window beside him. “It’s not like we can get off now.” True enough, the plane had started moving towards the runway. “Hey, don’t worry about it. You take the hotel. I’ll book another one once we get to Tromso, how’s that?”

Guilt replaced Kei’s anxiety. It’s not Kuroo’s fault that their friends were conniving little devils who thought meddling with their friend’s relationship is doing him a favor. Kuroo was just as much in the dark about this as he was. “You take the hotel. You booked it.”

“Yeah, but I chose it because it has those huge windows that you like. It’s all good. Take it.”

They haven’t been broken up long enough for Kei not to understand that there’s no talking Kuroo out of this, so with a huff of breath, he agreed. “Fine.”

* * *

Tetsurou knew that Tsukishima had always hated plane rides. It wasn’t because he’s afraid of flying or anything, but the usually cramped economy seats just couldn’t accommodate all 195.3 cm of him.

This 19-hour flight was particularly bad for Tsukishima’s back. He had been keeping tally of how many times Tsukishima unconsciously shifted in his seat, trying to find a comfortable spot. Tsukishima was probably too tired to mind, but he’s going to regret it in the morning if he continued to sleep like this. He’d had about enough by the time Tsukishima shifted for the 23rd time.

“Tsukki,” he said quietly, placing a hand on Tsukishima’s arms to gently wake him up.

He knew why Kenma set this up—or at least agreed to Tsukishima’s friends if this was their idea. He might had successfully made himself look put-together in public, but it wasn’t above him to be miserable around his best friend. Kenma probably got sick of it and agreed to the first opportunity that came his way.

Contrary to what Tsukishima might have believed in the last few months of their relationship, he never stopped loving him. He didn’t think he ever could. Tsukishima had been his first real love, and there was not a day where he didn’t hope he’d be his last. But no matter how perfect he thought they were for each other, Tetsurou was under no illusion that their relationship didn’t require as much work as any other. And it hadn’t been easy.

Tsukishima stirred beside him, golden eyes fluttering open before focusing on him. Tetsurou pretended as if it didn’t hit him like a speeding truck on a highway.

 _It hadn’t been easy, huh?_ In retrospect, if he knew he’d be in this very moment with a sleepy Tsukishima inches away from him, beautiful, untouchable, and no longer his, swallowing his pride then would’ve been the easiest thing in the world.

“What?” Tsukishima answered, eyes half closing again.

“You’re going to hurt your back.”

He rolled the blanket he asked from one of the attendants earlier to form a makeshift pillow, then placed it on Tsukishima’s lower back. Tsukishima, now tilting towards him, was still looking at Tetsurou dazedly, and in such a vulnerable way, he had to be half-asleep. “Thanks,” he mumbled before closing his eyes and letting his temple rest on Tetsurou’s shoulder.

Anything would’ve been easier than this.

* * *

“ _I am afraid there is nothing we can do, sir._ _Jeg beklager så mye_.” The front desk manager bowed apologetically before excusing himself to attend to the other hotel guests.

Of course, for a country that’s frequented for their elusive northern lights’ sightings, every hotel in Northern Norway had to be fully booked during the winter where nights can last up to 18 hours. How did Kuroo even manage to make this booking a year ago? And in one of the more popular hotels near the harbor too.

Kuroo ran a hand through his hair, frustration seeping out of his usually calm demeanor as exhaustion was finally taking over him. It looked like Kei wasn’t the only one desperate to get away. That kind of stung, but it’s not like he was expecting Kuroo to be ecstatic about being on a supposedly cancelled anniversary trip with his ex. “All the Airbnb’s in the area are also packed. Didn’t they say people don’t usually go in December and January?”

“They said the weather was more brutal from December to January. You _assumed_ people wouldn’t go because of it.”

“Oh, right.” Kuroo chuckled despite himself, then groaned, sliding his palm over his face. “Don’t worry, I’ll find something. Why don’t you go on ahead, so you could take a rest?”

He sighed. Regardless of what Kuroo thought about him when he left, Kei did care. A lot. Still did. More than he let on, and maybe that was the problem. “Kuroo, we looked everywhere.”

“Not everywhere. There’s gotta be somewhere…” Kuroo was frantically scrolling through his phone, the LED screen magnifying the dark circles under his eyes.

That morning in the plane when he woke up, he realized the position he was in even before he opened his eyes. When he finally gathered enough bearing to do so, he lifted his gaze and saw Kuroo looking at someone else’s open window on the other side of the plane. Feeling him shift, Kuroo turned to him with a soft smile that wasn’t exactly ex-boyfriend-appropriate, if he had anything to say about it. Kuroo must’ve had asked for a second blanket because he found himself wrapped in one that he didn’t remember from last night. He asked Kuroo if he wasn’t cold, and Kuroo simply responded with “You know I’m not.” He tried not to think too hard about what that suggested.

His neck was a little sore from leaning on to one side for too long, but he felt rested, even if a little stiff. Kuroo, on the other hand… Did he sleep at all?

“It’s almost midnight and you look like you got trampled on by an elephant.”

“Tsukki, I don’t think they have elephants here.” At the unimpressed look he gave, Kuroo continued. “Look, I’m not going to let you walk in the cold outside, okay?”

“That’s not—” Kei inhaled sharply. “That’s not what I was suggesting.”

Realization dawned on Kuroo as his hands fell to his sides. “O-oh. Um, well, is it okay with you?”

“I wouldn’t have offered otherwise.”

Kuroo looked like he was weighing his options. But judging by the tired slump of his shoulders and his deep sigh, he was finally accepting that he had no other choice— unless he wanted to be found cold and lifeless buried under Norwegian snow. “Yeah,” he finally said. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go.”

***

He let Kuroo shower first, so that the other could already sleep as soon as he was done. While alone, he took the time to send a very colorful message to their group chat, threatening Hinata and Yamaguchi with murder as soon as he set foot back in Japan.

>> (23:43) **Cap’n Crow:** _Tsukki ~! How was your flight? Tell us all about your trip later, ‘kay? I’m headed off to work. Bye!_

>> (23:44) **Chibi #5:** _kenma said not to return kuroo-san if you didn’t want him back (but pls do. want him back, not not return him) :p and don’t forget to get me that viking drinking bowl i told you about!_

Before Kei could respond that he’d only be getting the bowl so he could smash it on Hinata’s head, the door to the bathroom opened. Kuroo stepped out with nothing but red flannel pajama pants and a small towel draped across his shoulders to catch the droplets of water still dripping from his hair. Kuroo raised a hand to dry one side of his head with the towel as he read something on his phone, and Kei absentmindedly followed the movement, focusing on the flex of his biceps and abs. He caught himself, but he was half a second too late in looking away because Kuroo’s head had already snapped up. Kei stood up immediately, walking to his luggage at the foot of the bed, and focused his attention on retrieving his toiletries.

“Well, that’s flattering.” He didn’t need to look at Kuroo to know that he was smirking.

“Careful. Your head’s already too big with that obnoxious hair. You don’t need any more air in it,” he retorted, unable to look at Kuroo with his face all red and warm.

“Aww, are you getting shy on me now, Tsukki-chan? It’s nothing you haven’t seen before, you know.”

Steeling himself, he turned to look at Kuroo straight in the eyes, sporting a smug look of his own. “I know,” he said a-matter-of-factly. Not taking his eyes away from Kuroo, he removed his glasses and placed them on top of the bed, then in one swift motion, he hooked his fingers on the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. “Excuse me, I have to shower.”

He didn’t bother looking back as he strutted to the bathroom, but he didn’t have to. Kuroo had shut up and that’s all the validation he needed.

* * *

“What are you doing?” The sound of Tsukishima’s voice jolted him awake, making him sit upright abruptly, and giving himself a headache in the process. He had been trying to fight off sleep for the past 20 minutes that Tsukishima had been in the shower. “Your eyes look like they’re about to be sucked into your skull. Just sleep.”

“But we haven’t—” he yawned. “We haven’t even addressed this problem yet.”

“What problem?” he tapped on the space beside him and Tsukishima understood immediately. He expected Tsukishima to at least be slightly embarrassed about sleeping on the same bed (much like he was), but Tsukishima surprised him by shrugging as if he had already thought about it. “I’ll sleep on the couch.

He snorted. “Right, maybe if you were 120 centimeters tall. That can’t even be called a couch. What did you call it when we went to IKEA last time? _Loveseat_?”

“Well, do _you_ want to take it then?”

He pouted. “Have a little mercy on me, Tsukki. I’m not getting any younger here.” He reached behind himself to dramatically rub his back and couldn’t help but smile when this caused Tsukishima to roll his eyes, a small smile of his own tugging at the corner of his lips. Tsukishima sighed then, eyes focusing back on him, and now that they weren’t clouded with sleep, they pierced through Tetsurou like a cannonball. “We can’t share.”

“Why not?"

Tsukishima looked at him like he grew another head. “For very obvious reasons, Kuroo.”

“We’re sharing out of necessity. We’ve shared a bed before we started dating. Why is it a big deal now?”

He knew he wasn’t fooling Tsukishima. Tsukishima was well aware that he had an answer to his own question and was just too stubborn not to argue his point.

“We were friends before we started dating. Now, we’re…”

“Exes,” he finished. Either he was imagining things, or he saw Tsukishima slightly flinch upon hearing the ugly word. He didn’t agree, though. They were never friends. Tetsurou had always been in love with him. “You’re right, but my conscience won’t let me sleep if I let you spend the night in that tiny little thing that’s not even half your size.”

“That’s inaccurate.”

“Which part?”

“The part about the couch’s size, _obviously._ ”

Tetsurou grinned. It was always fun riling this one up. “Logical, but I’m taking the moral standpoint here. If it makes you more comfortable, here,” he wedged a pillow in the middle of the queen-sized bed. “All right? I found a hotel, but they can only accommodate me by Wednesday. Until then, just try not to hurt yourself, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima relented as he cautiously walked closer to the bed. Tetsurou turned around and let exhaustion take over him again. If he weren’t so beat, Tsukishima’s presence alone beside him would’ve kept him up all night. 

* * *

Kei woke up to the sound of deep breaths across from him. It was still dark out, but he knew that it was always dark during the Polar Night in Tromso, so he figured it was probably a decent time in the morning. That or they had terrible jetlag and it’s actually nighttime again.

He had been in the dark for too long that his eyes had adjusted to see well in it. Kuroo was in perfect view on the other side of the bed. As still as he could be while doing it, he looked around for the pillow that was supposedly between them and found that it had been kicked to the edge of their bed. The right thing to do was to replace it on its original spot, but he was rendered motionless as soon as he looked back at Kuroo. He was lying on his stomach, breathing evenly with his head directly facing Kei who was lying on his side.

It was too early to consciously make good choices.

Nothing much has changed about Kuroo in the past year. His hair was shorter, though, so Kei figured he got a haircut, something he always did when there was a big life event happening for him – graduation, their first date, his first job interview… an anniversary maybe, or what could have been. How was he, anyway? Maybe he started dating again and the haircut was actually for a first date.

Hinata, who remained close with Kuroo through his boyfriend, Kenma, would give him unsolicited updates about Kuroo following the months of their breakup. It was how he knew Kuroo didn’t try dating then, and despite telling Hinata off, that he had no say about Kuroo’s decisions anymore, therefore, shouldn’t be made aware of it, he felt relieved.

That was months ago. What would he feel now if Kuroo was actually dating again? Shouldn’t Kuroo have gone to this trip with that someone? Maybe they were still too early in their relationship. Would Kuroo have gone to this trip in the first place if he had already found someone else? Would Kuroo be sleeping on the same bed as his ex? That seemed very unlikely.

He closed his eyes for a while then sighed. He meant what he said to Hinata. He knew Kuroo didn’t owe him anything. But that didn’t mean it had stopped hurting.

He opened his eyes. Raven hair stuck up in spikes while some fell over Kuroo’s eyes. He could still remember the way it felt between his fingers. Would it wake Kuroo up if he brushed some of the strands away?

In spite of the ache in his chest, he couldn’t bring himself to tear his gaze away; at least not until Kuroo’s own eyes fluttered open. Kei pretended to be asleep.

Kuroo let out a huff that tried and failed to be a chuckle. “I saw you,” he mumbled, voice hoarse but smug. Kei didn’t move. Kuroo snuggled closer to him, albeit not touching him. After hearing Kuroo’s breaths even out again, Kei opened his eyes and got out of bed. He hoped Kuroo would dismiss what happened as nothing but a dream.

He retrieved his phone from the bedside table and confirmed that it was only 6:28 am. After phoning room service for the breakfast that came with the room, Kei started getting ready as quietly as possible. They booked a Husky Sledding and Ice Domes Combo Tour today. He was intent on following their itinerary, but that was before he knew Kuroo would be here too. He could look up other attractions, but like every hotel in the region, it might be difficult to book an activity last minute. As it was, he didn’t have enough time to make a new schedule. He wondered if Kuroo did or if he would.

Kei jumped at the buzz of the doorbell. He sighed in relief when he saw Kuroo still sleeping like a log. He opened the door for the attendant, thanked them, then took the serving tray. When he got back to the bedroom, Kuroo was already sitting up and stretching. “Mornin’,” he greeted, eyes lazy and grin lopsided, then he noticed that Kei was already dressed up. “Whoa, what time is it? Did I oversleep?” Kuroo scrambled to look for his phone under the covers. When he found it, he pressed the power button, and exhaled. “Oh, it’s only 7:03. They’ll pick us up at nine, right?”

Kei knew he should’ve said something, should’ve raised his concerns about this whole ordeal being wrong, that sharing a hotel room was one thing, and spending all their planned activities together was another– but he couldn’t.

“Yeah. Get moving already.”

* * *

The tour starts with them boarding a coach outside the Magic Ice Bar in Kaigata. The drive to the Arctic wilderness was about an hour and a half, which was a while, but it was so incredibly scenic that Tetsurou couldn’t find it in himself to mind. They played a clip about the high mountains in the Tamok Valley and how the Tromso Ice Domes were built every year as the Polar Night approached. Tsukishima seemed to enjoy them. It was pathetic that he was paying more attention to the other man than to what they were playing, but no one was going to know anyway— not even Tsukishima who would only look away from the screen to scan the valleys outside.

They were allowed to choose whether they’d like to see the exhibitions or go dogsledding first. Tsukishima would be too tired if they chose to do an outdoor activity foremost, so he suggested to go with the Ice Domes. As he expected, Tsukishima agreed without a fuss.

It was magnificent. The domes, wide and sturdy were decorated with ice sculptures representing the surrounding nature as well as the culture of the Sami people, the indigenous Finno-Ugric people inhabiting the large northern parts of Norway and other neighboring countries. Inside, several rooms were built including two bars, a bedroom, and a cinema showing more about its construction.

The tour came with an ice shot that only he enjoyed¹. Tsukishima wrinkled his nose at the strong alcohol smell, and he tried to not find it endearing. “Come on, Tsukki. It’ll warm you up. Chalk it up to experience.”

“The shot glass is too cold.”

“Well, it’s made of ice. What did you expect? You’re wearing gloves, anyway.”

“I can still feel it.”

“Fine, I’ll hold it for you.”

“No.”

“Don’t trust me?”

“Absolutely not.”

Tsukishima managed to take the shot and Tetsurou ordered a non-alcoholic juice for him after (which he did have to hold for him) to chase away the taste.

When the guided tour ended, they had a bit of time to look at the individual rooms before they had to leave for the Tromso Wilderness Center.

***

“Okay, why don’t I drive first, and then we’ll switch halfway. What do you think?” he turned to Tsukishima and the latter’s sour expression said it all. “Why do you look like I’m about to take candy away from you?”

He and Tsukishima were discussing their arrangement for the dog-sledding activity as they walked to the starting point. They chose the self-driving Husky sledding where they would maneuver the sled themselves. He’s never tried it before, but it looked pretty straightforward during the orientation and definitely more fun than just being dragged in the sled. The dogs were well-trained and all they had to do was steer a bit and help the dogs push the sled when it goes uphill. Contrary to guided dogsledding, only one person could sit on the sled while the other drove. The group would then stop halfway to let the drivers switch, but Tsukishima looked like he wasn’t too open to that.

“I’m not sure if I want to try this after all.”

“Aw, come on. You should— hey,” he side-eyed Tsukishima who was walking slightly behind him and noticed that he was pouting. “You can’t do that. No pouting. That’s playing dirty, baby.” 

Tetsurou didn’t realize what he said until heavy silence fell upon them. When it hit him, his eyes widened and he turned to Tsukishima, raising his hands defensively. “Sorry. Fuck— force of habit?”

Tsukishima looked away, pout still in place. “And you said I was playing dirty.”

If that wasn’t confirmation that he had as much effect on Tsukishima as Tsukishima had on him, he didn’t know what it was. He wanted to scream, but instead, he tried again, gentler. “You really don’t want to try mushering? You’re not in Norway every year, you know.”

Tsukishima turned his attention back to him and sighed. “I don’t want to sound like a whining child. I wanted to try it, I swear, but I’m freezing my dick off here. At least I can wear a blanket while sitting down… You’re smiling like an idiot.”

“Huh? No?”

“Wipe it off your face or I’ll punch it off.”

“I’m not doing anything!”

“Kuroo,” Tsukishima warned with a glare, and Tetsurou lost it as he broke into fits of laughter.

“Remember when we were planning for this trip and I suggested that we go to Maldives or Hawaii instead, or anywhere warmer, really, but you insisted on Norway even though you can’t last a day out in the cold?”

“So? I don’t remember making a bet with you about lasting in the cold.”

“’Course not, Tsukki.” he glanced at Tsukishikma with a smug smirk. “You never make a bet you know you’re gonna lose.”

Tetsurou saw the exact moment blood rushed to Tsukishima’s head indicating that he successfully triggered his competitiveness. “Why you little—" And then Tsukishima was lunging at him. He bolted.

“Come back here!”

“I’m kidding!” He yelped when he saw Tsukishima closing in. “Tsukki, wait— ahh!” If anybody heard that high-pitched scream, he’d deny it was him.

Cold air stung his nostrils and lungs as he puffed and laughed. They ran around the snow like a pair of lunatics until Tsukishima finally caught him. Tsukishima wrapped a slender arm around his neck and pulled while he made dramatic choking noises. “Urgh—ack! Tap out! Grggh—Tsukki!”

Tsukishima let go but not before smacking him on the arm. “Ow!” Tetsurou said even though he was still laughing.

“You are such a baby. That wasn’t even much.”

“Hey, you’re a pro athlete. That’s got to be illegal.” Tetsurou cautiously sized up Tsukishima. The latter’s guard was still up, preparing for any surprise attack from him.

He went for it anyway.

He launched at Tsukishima, who braced himself for the impact, but the ground was too unsteady for him to keep them both upright. Snow scattered around them as they fell with a clunky thud. He ended up straddling Tsukishima as he tried and failed to squeeze the latter’s cheeks. Despite himself, Tsukishima was laughing as he held Tetsurou by his wrists. “Stop it!”

“Yield!”

“Kuroo! Are you insane?”

“I said yield!”

“Ugh! Fine, you nerd!”

Tetsurou let him go and both their limbs went limp. They were still laughing, and Tetsurou leaned forward as he tried to catch his breath. He chanced a look at Tsukishima and saw that his chest was heaving just as hard, and his cheeks were a pretty shade of pink due to exertion. It was — literally and figuratively — breathtaking.

He probably had been staring too long because Tsukishima looked up at him, his cheeks turning a shade deeper which Tetsurou didn’t think was possible. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed or how they had gotten closer somehow, but he was slowly losing brain function, either due to the cold or their proximity, as his eyes drifted down to Tsukishima’s lips. They were chapped from being exposed to the cold air for too long. He wanted to dampen them with his own.

They were centimeters apart when a call from their guide in the distance broke the trance they were in. Tetsurou hurriedly got off Tsukishima and offered a hand to help him up. “The tour’s about to start.”

“No shit,” Tsukishima retorted even as he looked flustered. Tetsurou really wanted to kiss him. “Hey,”

“Hm?” He winced at how quickly he answered. Tsukishima only smiled.

“I’m not so cold anymore. Can I go first?”

* * *

Dogsledding was fantastic. The Huskies they were assigned were an enthusiastic bunch that warmed up to him and Kuroo easily. It didn’t take much effort to guide them and Kei enjoyed the little stops they made along the way where he and Kuroo were able to ruffle their fur and play with them in the snow. He had so much fun that Kuroo pointed out that he was pouting again by the time they had to switch. Kuroo actually offered to sit the rest of the ride out, but Kei was mature, and his mother taught him to share.

“You’re still pouting, though,” Kuroo said amused, earning him another glare from Kei.

“I can’t help it— it’s my face,” he huffed.

“Oh, I know,” Kuroo chuckled with a pat on his head that he swatted away.

They tried to hunt for the northern lights in that area, but they were starving and there was still no sign of them. Not a lot of tourists were in that area, too, so maybe it wasn’t really a good spot. They decided to just try again tomorrow. When they got back to the harbor, they agreed to have dinner and a few drinks at a nearby bar.

Despite having an amazing day, Kei couldn’t help but feel like they were a ticking time bomb. Before coming here, he and Kuroo were more strangers than anything. Sure, they sometimes saw each other during Sendai Frogs matches and press conferences, but that was it. Kei had made it a point not to go to any event where he knew Kuroo would be too. And given that he never saw Kuroo at any other event either — except for Bokuto and Akaashi’s engagement party, of course — he figured the other did the same.

He’s not sure if he could consider it a clean break. There wasn’t any yelling or fighting, and when Kuroo let him call his coach that night they broke up, Kei figured they had come to an agreement that that was the end for them. But he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel bitter or angry. It hurt that Kuroo didn’t do anything to stop him from leaving.

He had been very insecure at that time and he knew it was a decision he should’ve slept on… but would that have changed anything? He had been telling their friends that he made the choice, so Kuroo wouldn’t have to. But that’s not entirely true.

Kei was afraid. He was afraid that Kuroo would make a choice and it wouldn’t be him.

So there he was: a stranger to the man who once meant the world to him and more. That’s all they had been for the past year— until yesterday when they boarded the same plane, slept in one room and one bed, visited ice domes, went dogsledding, and now having dinner at a restaurant on the other side of the world on the exact date of their supposed anniversary.

Still, he knew it was unfair of him to expect anything when he was the one who walked away in the first place. Kuroo was a good person. Gods, he was too good, but Kei doubted that he didn’t harbor even the slightest bit of resentment towards him for pulling the plug on their relationship just like that.

“What do we have for tomorrow?”

He supposed he could give them one more day.

“Reindeer Farm.”

“Hmm, interesting.”

“You could lie a little better.”

Kuroo laughed. “Sorry. It’s very uncool of me to make you do all the things we did today if I don’t try out the things you picked.”

“It’s very uncool of you, period.”

“Meanie. Tell me more about the farm.”

“Actually, I wanted to go because of the Sami hosts.” At Kuroo’s raised eyebrows urging him to continue. “They’re reindeer herders, so we’re still going to feed some, but they’re gonna teach us a lot more— their culture, history, and way of living... They’ll make us sit around the fire inside a _lavvu,_ which is what they call their tents, by the way,” he explained as he made hand gestures shaped like a triangle. “And then we get to hear ancient stories and myths— and, oh, we get to watch a _joik_ , too. It’s the Sami singing style and the oldest vocal tradition in all Europe. It’s comparable to the chanting of the… Oh my god, I’m rambling.”

When he looked up, Kuroo was smiling at him. He was leaning on the table, the _finbiff_ ² beside him forgotten as he watched Kei like he didn’t want to miss a single word; like Kei was revealing the secrets of the universe. “I missed you.”

Kei’s breath hitched and as if that broke the spell, Kuroo blinked, eyes darting back to his meal.

“I, uh,” he cleared his throat. “I’m not sure if I ever told you this, but one of my favorite things when we were still together was when you’d come home from work after they brought in something new to the museum. You’d dash to the bedroom as soon as you walk through the door and whiz around the apartment like you couldn’t sit in one place… And then I’d ask you what’s up— though I’d already have an idea, of course. You’d act all cool about it at first like ‘oh, nothing, they just brought a new artifact at work today, it’s really old, not really a big deal.’ But it _is_ a big deal because you got so excited showing me pictures and telling me all the little discoveries you made about that thing… And your eyes light up, you know? You’d have this serious face while talking about some mangled emperor’s toe or whatever, but your eyes are all big and bright, and sometimes you’d look at the objects like you’d leave me for them any day, and—” Kuroo took a deep breath. “Wow, now I’m the one rambling.”

He felt like the wind got knocked out of him for the second time that day. He stared at Kuroo for an eternity, trying to process what had just been revealed to him. He searched Kuroo’s face for something, a twitch on the corners of his mouth, a playful glint in his eyes, any sign of humor because he had _got_ to be kidding.

When he didn’t find any, he could only say “No…” And that might have come out that a little too breathlessly.

“What?” Kuroo turned back to him, gaze drifting down to his lips.

“You never told me that before.”

Instead of answering, Kuroo leaned forward and brushed his lips against Kei’s softly, delicately, like Kei would break if he applied a little more pressure. Kei went rigid, and Kuroo must have taken this as a ‘no’ because he felt the latter start to pull away. He didn’t have any proper explanation why, but he panicked and grabbed Kuroo by the back of his neck to press their lips harder together. Kuroo’s response was immediate— he cupped Kei’s cheeks as he slid his tongue inside Kei’s mouth. Kuroo licked the back of his teeth, the roof of his mouth, and every other crevice he could reach. Kei moaned as he bit and sucked on Kuroo’s lips enough to bruise, running his nails against Kuroo’s scalp. He was right, he could still remember how his hair felt between his fingers.

He felt Kuroo’s hands reach inside his down jacket and shivered when they slipped past the hem of his shirt. Kuroo’s hands were definitely warmer than his, but they were still significantly colder than the hot skin they were currently tracing. This brought him back to his senses. He pulled away, placed both hands against Kuroo’s chest, as he tried to even out his breaths. “We can’t.”

“What?”

“Kuroo, we can’t.” He stood up, took a couple of krones from his wallet and laid them out on the table. “I—I need some air.”

“Kei.” Kuroo reached out to grab his wrist.

“I’ll meet you at the hotel,” he promised, looking Kuroo in the eyes to assure him.

Slowly, he let him go. “Okay.”

* * *

It was a little over an hour since Tsukishima left from the restaurant when Tetsurou got back to their hotel room. He messaged Tsukishima that he needed some fresh air himself and would return a little later, so the other didn’t have to worry if he didn’t find him in their room by the time he went back.

He released a sigh of relief he didn’t know he had been holding when he saw Tsukishima lying on his side of the bed, back facing the entryway. He seemed too stiff to be asleep and that’s how Tetsurou knew he was only pretending.

Tetsurou decided to take a shower, and when he came out, Tsukishima was in the same position, so he understood that the other wasn’t ready to talk yet.

He didn’t— _couldn’t_ mind. Not after everything. Tsukishima probably needed more time to think, and he unquestionably respected that. Besides, they were on the other side of the world. Where could either of them run off to if they wanted to?

He didn’t want to; nor did he need any more time to think.

People, both his peers and his superiors, regarded him as someone intelligent and charming, therefore, a sure man. But Tetsurou had just about as many doubts as any normal human being— except when it came to Tsukishima Kei. Loving him was the only thing Tetsurou had ever been sure of since he was 17.

And kissing Tsukishima, well, it felt like being able to breathe again after drowning for a long time. It let out all the emotions that he had been keeping at bay— desire, regret, resentment, fear, longing. He knew he was still in love with Tsukishima, and he was never in the business of lying to himself. But being able to hold Tsukishima like he did earlier just made him realize how much he wanted more. He wanted Tsukishima back.

And he may have fucked up when he didn’t stop Tsukishima from leaving or when he didn’t do anything about him being gone for the past year, but he had a shot now. Because Tsukishima stayed. After kissing Tetsurou back and despite telling them they couldn’t, he stayed.

If Tetsurou could wait over a year to make things right, he could give one more night for Tsukishima to think about their relationship… and if he wanted him back.

***

They overslept.

They were supposed to meet their tour group at 9:45 and leave for the Sami camp village at ten. Of course, Tetsurou remembered to set an alarm, but what he didn’t remember was that his phone had died last night, and he didn’t even think to charge it. He had no idea where Tsukishima’s phone was or if he set an alarm but since he found the latter sleeping like a baby (he didn’t have enough audacity to call him _his_ baby, but gods he wished he could), he guessed the other wasn’t able to, either.

By 9:58, he was sweating under his black turtleneck after being dragged by Tsukishima to the Radisson Blu Hotel where they were barely able to catch their ride. It was only a block away, but it was still a good few meters, and it definitely did a number on his old-man back. He had complained about Tsukishima forgetting that he wasn’t an athlete anymore, therefore, should not be expected to run like one. Tsukishima called him a baby in return ( _a_ baby, not _his_ baby, but again, a man could dream), and this summed up their whole exchange that morning. Neither of them had said anything about what happened last night, but given that they were literally running late, it wasn’t like they had the time and space to have that sort of conversation.

“How long is the drive up to the camp?” He asked as they settled into their seats. With the adrenalin fading, he could feel the tension in the air between them start to thicken again.

“About 30 minutes.”

“Seriously?” he whipped his head to Tsukishima a little too quickly, earning him a confused arch of a brow from the other man.

“You got a meeting or something? And am I ever not serious?”

“No, it’s not that. And I can name a few times,” he teased, hoping it would lighten the mood.

“You cannot,” Tsukishima bit back, although Tetsurou noticed his eyes kept straining downwards.

“I can.”

“No, as in you physically _cannot_ because I’m going to shove my foot in your mouth if you don’t shut up.”

He laughed and felt a tiny surge of pride when Tsukishima’s shoulders relaxed. “30 minutes, huh? ’Won’t be enough, then.”

“Please don’t tell me you prepared a speech.”

“Well—”

“Oh my _gods_ , stop,” Tsukishima said suddenly, and for a second, Tetsurou thought he wanted him to really shut up. Then he saw Tsukishima pointedly looking at his knee with a hand reached out and placed on top of it to keep it still. He didn’t even realize he had been tapping his foot out of anxiety. So much for lightening the mood.

Tetsurou did as he was told. And then he was looking at Tsukishima with a small smile and a look that he was well aware was too fond to be the standard reaction to someone snapping at you.

“I feel 17 again.”

A wrinkle formed between Tsukishima’s brows and Tetsurou held his hands together to keep one of them from brushing the creases away. Tsukishima stayed quiet, allowing him to go on— so he did.

“Remember when you visited me, Bo, and Akaashi in Tokyo for the first time since training camp.”

He nodded slowly. “You’re… awfully sentimental lately. And I visited Keiji. You and Bokuto just decided you were invited, too.”

“Well, Akaashi thought you liked me, and you know who’s best at scheming out of the four of us.”

“I did _not_ like you.”

Tetsurou raised his hands in defense. “Hey, Akaashi said it, not me. And we dated!” he began to laugh. “You ended up liking me anyway.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms. “I did not like you.”

“ _Fine_ — but I did.” When Tsukishima turned back to him with a questioning look, he added “What? You know I’m an honest man. Anyway, we took the bus that time. I don’t even remember where we were going, but Bo and Akaashi obviously sat together like the disgusting old married couple they are, so I had to sit with you.”

“Had to?” Tsukishima said with narrowed eyes and a characteristic haughty pout. “I remember the bus being empty enough for you to sit anywhere else.”

“Tsukki,” he grasped Tsukishima’s shoulders as he fully faced him. There was a glint in the other’s eyes, and Tetsurou bit his lip to hold back his smile. “I know you’re sassing me right now but listen— I actually _had_ to. I thought it would be a once in a lifetime experience.”

Tsukishima snorted, waving Tetsurou’s hands off of him. “You’re exaggerating.”

“Oh,” Kuroo chuckled as he shook his head. “I wish I were. Like I said, I had the biggest crush on you, but you didn’t know yet. And Bo— gods, I would take a bullet for Bokuto, but man, did I want to sock him then. He kept throwing us suggestive looks over his shoulder like a moron. I was freaking out. I was seriously going ‘holy shit, Tsukki’s gonna find out. He’s gonna start avoiding me,’ and I kept tapping my foot throughout the whole bus ride. And then—” he tentatively took Tsukishima’s hand, waiting for him to pull away if it wasn’t okay. When Tsukishima didn’t, he placed the other’s hand back on his knee. “You did the exact same thing. You told me to stop, but you weren’t looking at me and your ears were bright red… like they are now. Back then, I thought, ‘wow, I must be going crazy, but I think I might have a chance with him.’” He took a deep, shaky breath. “I think I still do.”

Tetsurou knew how much Tsukishima prided himself for his silver tongue. Despite the latter’s general aversion to socializing except with a select few, he was actually a good conversationalist; eloquent and articulate when he had to be, and most importantly, he had a comeback for everything. It was one of Tsukishima’s many charming aspects that had him flat on his ass in love. But Tetsurou also prided himself in being one of the only three people[3] who had ever managed to render Tsukishima speechless on more than one occasion.

Regardless, it wasn’t why he said what he did. 

“I promise I didn’t write that down before we came down here,” he tried to smile, although he wasn’t sure how well that hid the bit of worry that was beginning to eat away at his insides. “The ball’s in your court, Kei. Then and now.”

* * *

Kuroo went on about his day like he didn’t just rip his heart out of his chest and place it on Kei’s clammy hands.

Before coming here, Kuroo had teased him about how he could think reindeer herding and feeding were fun, but there he was, tangled up in his own lasso as he tried to play around with the herd.

The animals seemed to be just as fond of Kuroo as he were of them. At one point, he even had to hide behind Kei because one reindeer took a special liking to him and wouldn’t stop following him around.

“Sorry, Reindeer-san, but I’m emotionally unavailable right now. Tell you what, if this guy—” Kuroo pointed a finger at him. “—decides he’s done with me, I’ll call you.”

“Already have a plan B?”

Kuroo turned to him with the worst puppy-dog eyes Kei had ever seen. “Please don’t let the reindeer have me.”

He only gave Kuroo an elbow to the side before taking his leave. He felt himself burn up even more when he heard Kuroo’s obnoxious laughter echoing through the frozen wilderness.

“Hey! Hey, Tsukki, don’t leave me!”

“Follow me then,” he answered without looking back. “Or would you rather stay with your reindeer?”

Kuroo ran up to him until they were walking side by side. He had a shit-eating grin that was way too big for his face. Kei tried not to find it endearing. “Don’t be jealous. You know I’m yours.”

“Oh my god, shut up.”

Kuroo laughed again before he fell silent a little too quickly. “I’m not pressuring you.”

“I know.”

Kuroo stopped walking, which made Kei stop too. Kuroo stared at him for about three seconds before he exhaled. “Okay. Good. Then you can stop scaring the reindeers away with that frown.” When he didn’t respond, Kuroo nudged him on the arm. “C’mon. This is your pick. Have fun.”

He sighed. “Give me the lasso.”

How Kuroo’s smile could have gotten any bigger than it was, Kei didn’t know.

***

“They worship the sun?”

They had just finished dinner and were going through the presented Sami handicrafts and instruments when Kuroo slid up next to him. After reindeer herding, they spent their entire afternoon with their Sami hosts who showed them how they find grazing land in winter as well as some clothing that they’d made out of reindeer fur and skin.

Kei glanced up at Kuroo curiously. “You researched?”

Kuroo chuckled. “No. I just see a lot of it in their stuff. See here,” He picked up a drum then pointed to a circular symbol in the middle with spikes depicting the sun’s rays and two perpendicular lines crossing at the middle. 

Kei smiled. “They’re pagans. They have a strong affinity to nature and its spirits. _Beaivi,_ the sun goddess, is only one of the deities they worship, but she is pretty important in Sami mythology.”

“That makes sense considering they have seasons where it barely even rises.”

He hummed. “See. You’re interested.”

“I’m always interested in things you like.”

Kei side-eyed him. “Stop flirting with me.”

Kuroo chuckled. “I’m not sure I know how.”

“You weren’t flirting with me yesterday.”

“Okay,” Kuroo halted his movements then looked at him with a smirk. “We both know that’s not true.”

Before Kei could retort, their Sami hosts called onto them to gather around the fire in the middle of the _lavvu_. Kei glared at Kuroo who only grinned at him in response. They took a seat next to each other and Kei tried not to overthink the appropriate distance they should have had between them.

Two people, a young woman and a man dressed in similar clothing as their hosts walked up to the center. The woman was petite, so much so that she looked like she was being swallowed by the thick winter clothing she donned. The man, in contrast, was larger than their male Sami host. He had broad shoulders made even broader by the same clothing that made the woman appear smaller. Perched on his left shoulder was one of the instruments they were eyeing earlier, a circular mahogany drum with a paddle that’s shaped like a bowling pin. They were going to perform a _joik._

The song started with the man pounding on the drum in a steady, consistent rhythm. He walked back and forth, and around the circle of people, letting the beating echo through the _lavvu._ Then the woman started vocalizing, breathy at first before progressing into something denser. The chanting was nothing like Kei expected. It was a bit unusual, but not unpleasant. It even gave him goosebumps from time to time.

He sneaked a peek at Kuroo who had gotten quiet since they sat down. To his surprise, Kuroo was already looking at him, and when he got caught, he straightened his back then turned his attention to the people performing in front.

“You paid a hefty amount for this tour and you’re not even watching.”

Kuroo chuckled beside him and then felt him lean closer until their shoulders were touching. “Trust me, I saw what I came to see.”

Kei turned to the man beside him. Kuroo used to be more intimidating in high school, only smiling around his team, Bokuto, and _him_. He still could be at times, but he appeared more approachable nowadays. He had a friendlier demeanor, more open. It may be because of his job or maybe he just didn’t need to look so threatening since he didn’t compete anymore, but Kei figured a lot was bound to change as one grew up. One thing stayed true, though— Kuroo had always been beautiful, with his tan skin, sharp eyes, and that _smile_. He loved Kuroo’s smile so much that he wanted to be the reason for most of it. Well, he stood corrected— there were two things that stayed true.

 _Then and now._ Kuroo’s words replayed in his head over and over again. He didn’t know how to feel about it. Those words carried so much weight from how things ended between them before, that Kei couldn’t bring himself to be a hundred percent happy at the knowledge of the man he loved wanting him back.

He still loved Kuroo. Kei was proud, but he wasn’t stupid. Or maybe he was because what intelligent person breaks up with someone only to pine for them for more than a year after?

Did that mean he wanted him back? It was also an easy yes. The more appropriate question was if it was right to want Kuroo back. Not because Kuroo was bad for him—it was quite the contrary— but because the only reason that Kei survived leaving that night was knowing he was doing the right thing. The fact that they were able to keep both of their jobs proved that.

But being with Kuroo… also felt right. It made sense, but not in a way he could logically comprehend.

He groaned. He was someone who relied only on what he could see with his own two eyes, but every moment spent with Kuroo was slowly bringing him on the brink of insanity. What he knew and what he felt just weren’t agreeing.

“If you stare at me any longer, I might think you’ve fallen in love with me again.”

Kei couldn’t help but snort. “Again?” He watched as understanding dawned on Kuroo at the implications of his words. Before the other could respond, Kei beat him to it. “We need to talk.”

The people around them began clapping and it was then they realized that the performance had ended. Their hosts took the spotlight again to say their closing piece and to thank the tourists for visiting, then wished them well for the rest of their trip. People started to pack up, some made small talk with the performers and the hosts, while the others proceeded to the exit for their next tour, which is where he and Kuroo would be headed as well— waiting for the northern lights.

* * *

He’s sweating. Negative four degrees, and he’s _sweating._

Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. He wasn’t technically dripping in perspiration, but his palms sure do feel wet and gross inside his gloves.

Ever since Tsukishima uttered the four magic words, Tetsurou lost all the confidence he’d been riding on the whole day. Sure, Tsukishima had kissed him back last night and may have been responding to his flirting a little, but there was actually no way of knowing with this guy. All that meant was that Tsukishima, at least, still felt something for him, but it’s not like he could rely on that alone. Even if—huge emphasis on the ‘if’—Tsukishima still loved him, it didn’t guarantee that Tsukishima wanted him back. In the five years that they’d been together, Tetsurou knew better than to think Tsukishima was the type to decide based on how he felt. Everything had to make sense for him, had to have reason, never mind that it wasn’t what made him happy. Tetsurou vaguely remembered a fight they had because of this exact reason.

Being rational had its own merits, and he valued it as much as Tsukishima did. They were both thinking types, it’s why they got along so well. But Tsukishima had a tendency to be so to the point that he’d unconsciously neglect his own emotional needs. He grew more conscious about it after Tetsurou had brought it up, but it wasn’t something that he could easily change about himself.

That being said, if Tsukishima were to choose him this time, Tetsurou would make sure not only to make him happy, but to also make him believe he made the right choice.

They arrive at the Aurora Base Station at around 7 pm. Private tents were scattered atop the snow-laden camp with a designated bundle of overalls, some foldable chairs, and a tripod for the guests to use. They were told that the northern lights normally came out between 5 pm and 2 am, and he did spot some strokes of green, but the sky was still mostly clear with a bit of clouds and a sprinkle of stars from where they were. Light chatter floated around the air as the other guests got acquainted while setting up their posts.

Tsukishima, on the other hand, had been quiet. Tetsurou had asked him if he was tired during their ride to the station, but he only shook his head before staring back at the window.

That certainly wasn’t a good sign.

Tetsurou tried not to fuel the burning anxiety coursing through his veins, focusing instead on setting up the fancy camera equipment they rented. A few minutes later, their guide approached, telling them that they needed to walk further north as their current spot didn’t seem to be an optimal location to watch the lights that night. It was a fairly short walk, about 100 to 200 meters, definitely a small price to pay for the magnificence that awaited them.

He already expected that it would be astounding, but nothing could truly compare to seeing the aurora borealis in person. Curtains of green, white, and purple danced brighter the further they walked, and in no time, they were blanketed by vibrant swirls of colors from above.

“Wow,” he breathed. He loved moments like these, moments that put things in perspective. It reminded him that no problem should be too big for someone who was nothing but a speck of dust in an infinite universe that had very little care for him.

Tsukishima, though—he sneaked a peek at the man beside him— he was a different story. Surely, he was someone the universe took more time with.

“Is it anything like you’ve ever imagined?” He asked.

Tsukishima smiled, looking thoughtful as he held his gaze towards the sky. For a moment, Tetsurou thought he’d leave his answer at that. But then Tsukishima turned to him, and Tetsurou was yet again rendered motionless by the same eyes that had haunted his dreams for the past year, and they were glistening with unshed tears. “Not exactly,” Tsukishima whispered.

Tetsurou’s own eyes stung in understanding. Not knowing what else to do, he extended an arm as Tsukishima moved closer, gently placing his head on Tetsurou’s shoulder. He probably took no more than five snapshots of the lights before he decided he didn’t care about the photos as much as he wanted to be in the moment with Tsukishima, no matter how painful it was. They stayed soundlessly huddled together for what felt like an eternity until Tsukishima broke the silence. “I never really got to ask you how you are.” 

_Lonely. I miss you every day._ “I’ve been busy,” Tetsurou answered earnestly. “But good, overall. ‘Haven’t really done anything new, besides, maybe teach Bo how to do his taxes.”

Tsukishima snorted, but there was a certain fondness there. Tetsurou tried to quell the unreasonable jealousy he felt towards his friend.

“He texted me about that. He asked if we could meet up, but I didn’t have the time.”

“That bastard,” he gasped dramatically. “Making me his second choice.”

“Third. He probably asked Keiji first.”

“Okay, now I’m really hurt.”

Tsukishima laughed quietly before clearing his throat as he stood slightly straighter. “Busy, huh.”

“Hm?”

“You said you’ve been busy.”

“Oh, yeah. I’ve got a shit ton of work, but it’s what I’ve always wanted, so I can’t really complain.”

Tsukishima suddenly went rigid, and Tetsurou immediately knew he had said the wrong thing.

“That’s good,” Tsukishima supplied awkwardly after the equally awkward pause. The lightness in the air fizzled out as it was replaced with charged static.

“Tsukki, I didn’t mean—”

“No, I’m happy for you.” It unsettled him how sincere Tsukishima sounded, and maybe he really was. He wasn’t sure yet why he felt like that was a bad thing. “It worked out, after all. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I delayed your promotion, or worse, got you fired.”

“You could never have gotten me fired. It was that coach who spread baseless rumors. We didn’t do anything wrong.” He didn’t know why he was suddenly defensive. It seemed like Tsukishima was hinting at something that he was not explicitly saying.

Confirming his speculations, hurt flashed on Tsukishima’s face. “It really was just me, then?”

“What?”

Tsukishima refused to look at him, refocusing on the scene above.

“Tsukki, what are you talking about?”

He stared at Tsukishima’s face to look for any hint as to what could be going on in the latter’s head. There was a hardness in his gaze that definitely hadn’t been there earlier. “I thought I could do this,” he choked out, and then he was walking away.

“What? Tsukki— Kei, hold up!” Tetsurou called as he jogged to catch up to Tsukishima. When he was close enough, he grabbed the latter’s arm to stop him. “What’s wrong?”

“I want to go,” Tsukishima said with finality.

“Okay,” Tetsurou panted, eyeing Tsukishima carefully. “We’ll go. I’ll get our stuff. Wait for me.”

He barely registered the journey back to the harbor. As soon as they got off the coaster, Tsukishima made a mad dash through the snow-covered streets, not even bothering to check if Tetsurou was following him. When Tetsurou made it back to their room, Tsukishima had already locked himself up in the bathroom.

“Tsukki,” he called to him after knocking on the bathroom door twice.

“Give me a minute,” Tsukishima answered faintly.

Tetsurou paced back and forth while he waited. It was when he sunk onto the bed that Tsukishima finally emerged from the bathroom looking distraught. The blonde hair around his forehead was damp and his nose was tinged with red. He’d been crying. 

That was enough to make Tetsurou stand back up. He made a move to walk closer to the other but stopped when he noticed that it made Tsukishima flinch. He stepped backwards, falling back on the bed. “What did you mean?” he asked instead, prompting the other to look at him.

Tsukishima reached behind him to close the bathroom, but even after he’d done so, he remained where he was, choosing instead to lean backwards like the menial task had drained him of all his energy. Tetsurou waited.

Tsukishima looked at him with so much pain and frustration that, and in all honesty, he didn’t fully understand.

“We knew something like that was going to come up one way or another,” Tsukishima started. “Even if no one really batted an eyelash in the last three years.”

He was talking about the conflict of interest. When Tetsurou accepted the job at the Japan Volleyball Association, he and Tsukishima had already been dating for about two years. Since he worked under sports promotion, when Tsukishima signed on for the Sendai Frogs, they both naturally had to sign a conflict of interest agreement that allowed him to continue his relations with Tsukishima given that he would not show bias for or endorse the Sendai Frogs, regardless if it’s intentional or not. They didn’t have to hide their relationship to the public — in fact, a lot of fans supported them — but they still had to be careful, and they were.

“We both know the rumors were baseless. You’d be the first person to call me out if I had anything to do with the Frogs getting into D1.”

“I know. But I didn’t know you had full confidence in the JVA.” There was something strange about Tsukishima’s tone. What he said was a statement, but it sounded accusatory somehow, like he’d just been informed about it.

“Well, yeah. There’d be due process, but I didn’t think they’d let me go or hold off my promotion for too long.”

“Why’d you let me go then?”

The question knocked the breath out of his lungs. Blood was rushing up his head before he could fully comprehend what was happening.

“Hey. Hey, wait a minute— where are you going with this? It was _you_ who decided to break up.”

Tsukishima scoffed, not at all amused. “Don’t pretend like it isn’t what you wanted.”

“What are you talking about? Of course, it’s not!”

“I could tell by the way you easily let me walk out of your life.”

“Are you seriously pinning this on me? You’re the one who left me, Kei.”

“ _I_ was the one who had the balls to leave,” Tsukishima snapped as he pushed himself off the door. He was breathing heavily, staring right into Tetsurou with glassy eyes. “I—” Tsukishima tried again, calmer but with a crack in his voice that sent tremors straight to Tetsurou’s chest. “We’ve been having a rough couple of months with me having to fly around and you working day and night, and then this stupid thing came up... I asked you— I asked you if you were fine with going through with the investigation, just so they’d leave our relationship alone. I thought I’d get an easy answer, but when you hesitated,” Tsukishima shook his head, his lips twitching in a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I knew. _”_ There was a moment of silence as Tsukishima took a shaky breath. “You love your job, I know. And I understand because I feel the same about mine. But don’t pretend like it was the only reason we broke up. You got tired, Tetsu. And I get that too— we’re not perfect. But the least you could’ve done was be honest with me. Did you really have to wait for a rumor to spread, for something as bad as us potentially losing our jobs to ask for a break? And even then, you still waited for me to be the one to say it. Was all that really better than looking me in the eyes and telling me, ‘Kei, I can’t do this anymore?’”

Tetsurou stood rooted to his spot, trying to wrap his head around Tsukishima’s revelation. Well, it wasn’t so much a revelation as a realization for Tetsurou. The natural instinct for self-preservation took over. He wanted to defend himself, wanted to say that Tsukishima was wrong, that it was all in his head— but he couldn’t. The last few months of their relationship raced through his mind, making his eyes sting like they were being doused in seawater. He remembered all the times that Tsukishima reached out, tried to send a message that he at that time thought could wait. Self-loathing burned in his gut.

But… _I can’t do this anymore?_ There was a reason why he never said it, and it’s not because he didn’t have it in him to do so— but because it simply wasn’t true. Their careers had taken a toll on their relationship, and being together became a chore, an obligation on top of everything else on their plates, so in retrospect, he really did need a break— he just didn’t realize it. But that didn’t mean… Oh god, how could Tsukishima think he didn’t love him anymore? How could _he_ have made Tsukishima feel that way?

He lost count of all the nights he’d stared up at his ceiling, asking himself what made it so easy for Tsukishima to just leave, and now that he knew the answer, everything just seemed so ridiculous. They had both been hurting for over a year, and for what?

It only took him three long strides before he was standing in front of Tsukishima.

“I love you.”

Confusion marred Tsukishima’s face as Tetsurou was suddenly up in his space. “What?”

“Kei,” he said, taking Tsukishima’s hands in his own. “I love you.”

He had no excuse. It didn’t matter that Tsukishima was wrong about how he felt. He hurt him, and even if that was never his intention, he was not in the position to say he didn’t. He would’ve probably thought the same thing if the situations were reversed.

Tsukishima looked even more perplexed, doubtful even. Tetsurou didn’t blame him; so he kissed him instead.

* * *

His body’s reaction was automatic. As soon as Kuroo leaned in, Kei found himself following his movements, opening his mouth to receive whatever Kuroo gave.

His brain wasn’t so easily shut down, though.

He placed his hands on Kuroo’s chest and gently pushed him off. “What?” he repeated.

Kuroo cupped his face, then brushed a thumb over his tear-stained cheek. “I love you. I never stopped. And I’m so sorry for everything that made you think I did.”

Kei choked back a sob, looking away as he wiped off his tears using the sleeves of his sweater. Kuroo stepped back to give him some space to breathe. He was crying so hard at that point that he was starting to hiccup like a child, and it was mortifying. 

Kuroo remained in place, seemingly contemplative about reaching out to him, if the hand he raised and dropped was any indication. “I know you don’t trust me, that’s on me, but you asked for my honesty and I’m telling you that it has always been yours.”

Kei didn’t know if he felt relieved or stupid. Maybe both. He’d always known he wasn’t perfect. He had insecurities, but over time, he’d learned to manage them and get over them completely. In the five years that they dated, Kuroo had always been the sure one; so when one day, he suddenly wasn’t, Kei assumed the worst. 

But Kuroo wasn’t perfect either. Kei knew that, but he was realizing that he was subjecting Kuroo to a different standard just because it’s ‘how he’d always been.’ 

“I’m sorry,” he finally calmed down enough to respond. “I should’ve talked to you properly instead of just ending things.”

Kei looked up finally, and was confused, although pleasantly, to see Kuroo smiling. Kuroo dropped his head on Kei’s shoulders as he let out a sigh of relief. “For a second there, I thought you were gonna say you’re sorry you don’t love me anymore or something.”

Kei felt his shoulders relax as well. “Idiot. Why would I say that?”

Kuroo laughed even as he began crying too. He brought his head back up and tentatively held one of Kei’s hands, pulling him into his arms. “I missed you.”

“Me too.”

Kuroo wounded his arms tighter around him at his admission, and he responded by squeezing him back.

“May I kiss you again?”

Kei still had it in him to glare at the other man. “You’re asking now?”

Kuroo kissed the top of his head as he held him. When he let go, he cupped both of his cheeks and leaned in. Rather than seeing it, he felt Kuroo’s huge-ass grin against his lips. 

It was close-mouthed at first, shy and cautious much like their first time in the cramped storage room of Shinzen High’s Gym 3. Kei then circled his arms around Kuroo’s neck to bring him closer, pressing their bodies flushed against each other, and Kuroo seemed to have gotten the message. He pushed them backwards, towards the wall beside the bathroom door, and when Kei’s back hit the solid surface with a gasp, he took the opportunity to slide his tongue in.

Kei responded with the same fervor, nibbling, and sucking on Kuroo’s lips while his hands pushed the latter’s jacket off of his shoulders. Once that was out of the way, he slipped his hands up Kuroo’s shirt and traced the contours of his abs. This caused Kuroo to moan appreciatively into Kei’s mouth, the sound and the vibrations going straight to his dick. Kei slid one leg up Kuroo’s hip, and the latter responded automatically by hooking his hand under Kei’s knee, keeping it there.

He gasped as Kuroo gripped his hip to stop him from grinding on him, which he didn’t even realize he was doing. “Easy,” Kuroo breathed as he pulled away only to latch on Kei’s neck, licking from under his ear down to his jaw, then sucking on the junction between his neck and shoulders. He felt Kuroo kiss the skin gently probably after he’d turned it an angry shade of purple. It turned into a bite when Kei’s hips unintentionally bucked up.

“Tetsu,” he almost didn’t recognize his own voice with how sensual and needy he sounded.

Kuroo visibly stiffened, and then he was reclaiming his mouth. “You have no idea what that just did to me,” he breathed in between kisses.

“Oh, I think I do,” Kei answered by wrapping his leg tighter around Kuroo, rubbing their clothed heat harder against each other.

 _“Shit.”_ They broke apart as Kuroo was suddenly pulling his shirt over his head. Pieces of clothing were hastily thrown all around them until they were both down to their underwear. Kuroo marked out the elastic of his boxers before he pushed past it to cup Kei’s ass and spread his cheeks. As he was sliding them off, he moved to Kei’s neck down to his chest, not missing taking a nipple in his mouth and flicking it lightly with his tongue. As the undergarment rolled off all the way, Kei sucked in a breath when the cold air hit his leaking cock. Tetsurou looked up at him.

He tried to quell the embarrassment as he knew he looked absolutely wrecked then— his head rested on the door as his heavy-lidded eyes watched Kuroo carefully. He had a hand on his forehead while the other was clutching Kuroo’s hair for dear life. “Stop staring…”

“I can’t. You look so beautiful like this.” he said, breath ghosting on Tsukishima’s throbbing cock. “And I haven’t even touched you yet.”

“What are you waiting for? Our next annivers— _ooohhh!”_

Kuroo took him into his mouth all the way in, sucking and licking like he couldn’t get enough of it. He slowly lifted Kei’s left leg and placed it on his right shoulder. He bobbed his head up and down until the need for air became too much. He pulled his mouth off, but started mouthing the base of Kei’s dick. He then licked a stripe from the base to the head before flicking his tongue over the slit. Kei was breathing harshly, already dripping with pre-cum. He moved deeper behind to blow hot air on his clenching hole. 

“I bet you’d be so tight.”

 _“Fuck you,”_ he knew his face was burning. But even if he’d never admit it out loud, he missed how Kuroo talked dirty to him.

Kuroo chuckled. “We’ll get there.”

And then he was licking the rim of his ass. Kei sucked in a breath as he held firmly onto Kuroo and the door handle behind him like it was the only thing keeping his knees from buckling underneath him. Kuroo laved at the ring of muscle, pushing Kei’s cheeks apart as he did so, to help himself breach his hole shallowly. He stopped only to balance himself against the wall as he inserted a finger up Kei down to the knuckle.

“Oh my god,” Kei gasped, back arching in pleasure.

“See? I knew it. Did you miss me?”

Kei would tell Kuroo to shut up if he weren’t so busy moaning his lungs out.

When Kuroo felt his walls loosening up, he added another finger, prodding and scissoring inside his ass to stretch him open until his thighs were trembling. “Ah! Ahh yeah…Hah… Hngg.” Kuroo added a third finger which made Kei bite his hand as he tried to muffle the sinful sounds he’d been eliciting.

Kuroo stopped, earning a whine from Kei. He put Kei’s leg down as he rose back to his full height, fingers still knuckle-deep inside Tsukishima’s hole. “Louder, sweetheart.”

He glared at Kuroo despite himself. “You hear me just fine.”

“Let them hear you, too,” his gaze momentarily flickered to the wall behind them. “Let them know you can come with nothing but my fingers up your ass.” Kuroo emphasized his point by stroking Kei’s prostate. Kei threw his head back, banging it on the door.

“Fuck, Tetsurou! Ohh. There, there. Oh my _god_.”

Kuroo continued his assault on the same spot until he could feel Kei tightening up. It only took him a few more pumps before Kei was shaking as he came, painting his and Kuroo’s abs with his release. 

Kei was panting as he came down from his high. He was gripping Kuroo’s shoulders so hard, they’d probably bruise.

“Good?” Kuroo asked as he kissed his neck.

“More.”

“Fuck, you’re incredible.”

Kei yelped when Kuroo lifted him by his thighs. He dropped him gently on the bed before walking to his luggage. He retrieved a small bottle of lube from one of the pockets, then placed it on the bedside table so he could take his own boxers off. Kei felt himself start to get hard again at the sight of Kuroo’s cock, long and thick, and too heavy to stand straight against his thigh. His mouth almost watered. 

“Like what you see?”

“Yes, but I’d much rather feel it inside me.”

“Holy shit, Moonshine, don’t you want me to last?”

Kuroo wasted no time in getting on top of him. He poured lube on his fingers, rubbing them together to warm it up. He then proceeded to tease around Kei’s hole again, pushing a lubed up finger in and around until Kei was practically bucking his hips against his hand.

“Kuroo, please.”

“I don’t want to hurt you. Ever again.”

“You won’t.”

“You trust me that much?”

“I love you.”

Kuroo pulled back to look at him. His mouth hung open in shock before forming into that characteristic smile that turned Kei’s insides into mush. “You have me wrapped around your finger,” he said before carefully lining his dick to his entrance. 

Kei’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as Kuroo started to fill him. His nails dug in the skin on Kuroo’s back which he was sure should be painful, but the latter didn’t seem to mind. Kei clenched around him, and Kuroo let out a resounding _“Fuck”_ as he pushed further inside. “You feel so good, Moonshine, but you gotta relax if you want all of me.”

They were both breathing heavily as they tried not to come too early. Kuroo brushed the damp hair away from Kei’s forehead before kissing it tenderly. He then rolled his hips experimentally, shallowly at first, but it was still enough to punch the air out of his lungs. 

It didn’t take too long for Kuroo to quicken his pace, fucking into Kei hard and fast just the way they both enjoyed it. Kei’s cries of pleasure resonated throughout their hotel room as Kuroo thrusted deeper, relishing in the way Kei’s hole sucked him in. “Shit, Kei, you’re amazing. So tight and warm. You opened up so easy for me, baby.”

“Tetsu…” Tsukishima moved his hand up to Tetsurou’s hair, brushing it as he tried to even out his own breathing. Tears gathered around his eyes and his cheeks were dusted in the prettiest red.

Tetsurou kissed him. “You’re taking me so well, Moonshine.” He pulled almost all the way out before thrusting back up again. Tsukishima whimpered. 

Kuroo continued his steady onslaught of thrusts until he brushed Kei’s prostate, earning the former an explicit scream from him. “There! Right there!”

“I got you, baby.” Kuroo angled his hips to make sure he was hitting that spot repeatedly. 

“Tetsu...Ah, yeah, yeah...Hng ha.” He knew he was no longer coherent, but he really couldn’t care about anything else beside the cock that was impaling him deliciously.

“Fuck, you’re tightening up, baby. Are you close? Are you gonna come for me? Go on, come for me.”

“Tetsu..!” was all Tsukishima managed to say before he was gasping and shuddering. His second orgasm hitting him much more forcefully than the first. Kuroo continued to fuck him through it until he was spurting hot come, painting Kei’s insides white.

Kuroo pulled out and they laid there for a while, just basking in each other’s presence. Kuroo was kissing his back and the bite marks on his shoulders when his phone started to vibrate.

“Who is it?” he asked when Kuroo went to check. 

“The other hotel. They said I can check in as early as 9 am.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Do they issue refunds?”

Kuroo smiled. “Yeah.”

***

<< (07:43) **Salty MB** **:** _Yamaguchi, I'm taking two more days off. Can you watch my apartment until Monday?_

>> (07:45) **Cap'n Crow** **:** _No problem. Did anything happen? Is everything okay?_

<< (07:45) **Salty MB** **:** _Everything's perfect._

**Author's Note:**

> — find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kahluaboi) :)


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